Beware of Trash in spiritual circles

Studying the Family and Systems Constellations Training module and practice sessions activated the chitt and mann again. It was a good testing ground for neutrality. Despite the very short experience of Sampoorna Samarpan (Total Surrender) and the most benevolent QVSWPP by my side 24 by 7, the antahkaran started playing up every now and then again. i decided to tackle it once and for all when one of my colleagues who has been with Osho for over 2 decades messaged out of the blue about a family constellation workshop with someone called Darshan. Sree Maa had told us many times from the onset that the small self and the psychological make up is our own responsibility and that Sree Maa takes full responsibility only for the Akarmi (non-doer) and Atma. Plus i was studying Systemic Constellations myself, i decided to go for it.

It was the worst decision and remains one of the most rubbish and sickening experiences of my life till date. The first constellation went well. When i went for the second constellation, the facilitator gave stupid advises that i never asked for as i really had gone for a constellation and not some cognitive therapy or a C grade advisory session. What was most surprising was that she herself had said at the start of the day that “you are fed up of receiving advises” and then stupidly goes ahead and gives it herself at the end of the day😖. Instead of a constellation to resolve the energetic block for the feeling of being stuck with money and career, the facilitator gave ridiculous advises that i should study Ayurveda or become a high class slut. Absolutely shocking!

She never did a constellation and just kept barking nonsense without giving me a chance to speak. She went to the extent of asking the participants to say to me “tell her, she is cold and miserable” and like poodles without brains, they said it also of which 2 had never met me before. Only one person who also i met for the first time in that group disagreed with her and voiced it. Till date i thank her for the discernment she kept and not falling low like others as otherwise, i would have definitely hit depression thinking that something is really wrong with me if 5 people in a spiritual healing group were to say so. After a while, she told me to just get off the chair and go with a closing statement that there is a limit to giving. Really!!! i just wondered what was she giving.

i have never come back feeling so abused and harassed as i did from that workshop not only at the hands of the facilitator but the participants too and i take fully responsibility for putting myself through it. Since manan and chintan has always been a part of my life, i really gave thought to what had transpired. Was i really cold and miserable? May be there was a part in me that i was unaware of? i felt zero resonance to it.

i called up my colleague and told her that Darshan had really misbehaved and that she had no business giving such ridiculous advises, she said that she will tell Darshan to speak properly and then goes ahead to tell me of an incident about some friend of hers that was a high class escort and how she ended up getting married to one of her clients!!! i could not believe what i had just heard!!!

For the first time i realized that a lot of people are on the spiritual path but it doesn’t necessarily mean they are evolved or enlightened or keep conscience. i got a full dose of spiritual glamour without any essence and massive healer’s ego.

i really contemplated what was my learning curve out of the unpleasant experience. At the end of the day, this experience had manifested and i don’t deny i sat and cried for what i had put myself through at the hands of a healer. The only answer i could find was ‘DISCERNMENT’.

Anyway, the reason i mention this incident is that within a month, like a mother who knows the weakness and vulnerability of her child and what it is going through even when it doesn’t voice it’s feelings, Sree Maa yet again gave a colossal gift, the gift of sharanagati_/\__/\__/\_

Surrender is the key!

i had already decided not to practice hypnotherapy anymore and unnecessarily activate chitt and manas, my own or of clients but the nature (swabhav) of my doer has always been to keep learning new things. i had participated in a few family constellations workshops in 2013/14, had found them very interesting which gave a different dimension to healing and so decided to study the modality when i came to know in June 2015 that a Family Constellations training workshop (3 levels spread over a couple of months) was being organised in Mumbai. The first module was within 25 days. i did not have leave on the requisite days and my flying schedule had already been released, so my only option was to swap flights and travel to Mumbai on days off. i must have sent out at least 200 swaps and messaged colleagues to kindly accept the swap but all got rejected. 3 days before the commencement of the workshop, the last swap got rejected and there was no way i could have made it for the training. i finally surrendered and fully accepted that this was not manifesting. There was no disappointment or unpleasant feelings, just an acceptance that QVSWPP, Sree Maa Shri Ji know what’s best for me, an understanding and knowingness that had come from over 4 years of experience.

2 days later, i woke up to a message from a colleague saying that she had seen my advertisement for the days off that i wanted and was happy to swap but hadn’t checked if the swap was valid. i had only half an hour to check if the swap was valid and for my colleague to accept as the legality for rostering system is that all swaps will expire 24 hours before flight departure time. Unbelievably, the swap was valid and within the next couple of hours, i found myself on a flight to Mumbai to attend the Family and Systemic Constellation training.

i wondered how everything had manifested and what was my learning out of it. i had tried everything possible to get days off, but nothing manifested. i had embodied the akarmi and didn’t have any expectation of the result but what surprised me was that i did not experience even a twinge of disappointment or complaint in my thoughts and inner dialogue. This was new and 2 days later everything had fallen into place. Amazing😍. This state was somewhat similar to the state of surrender i had experienced in Nov 2011 where i had uttered a prayer to Sri Sri asking him to send into my life that’s best for me but this time, i did not even utter a prayer to Sree Maa. i was in total acceptance. For the first time i had an experience of true surrender where i didn’t ask for anything even in the form of a prayer and operated from utmost Trust naturally🙏🙇

Little was i aware at the time that the course content of May-June 2016 Taupo Retreat would revolve around Total Surrender (sampoorna samarpan) of which i had experienced a very small taster🙏🙇